glory days

I read from Numbers 11 today and got caught up over this verse.
“…the Israelites started wailing and said, “If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost- also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic. But now we have lost our appetite we never see anything but this manna.” (v4-6)

It’s a funny and morbid couple verses under the circumstances. The Israelites were just rescued by God and Moses from horrendous and terrible slavery imposed by Pharaoh. They might have had meat and watermelon but I wonder how often that was the case. Would they trade whipping and hopelessness with a side of fried onions for unknowing yet manna, a constant reminder of God’s presence and provision?

As I thought about it, I remember times when I wanted to go back to how things were before Louie moved in. I know my sister thinks about that all the time. “Back in my day, I could cook for 5000 and be funny all in one afternoon…” or whatever. I remember staying up until odd hours in the morning, talking on the phone for hours about everything and nothing, loosing so much weight from all the laughter. I remember pulling all nighters at work just so someone else’s mistakes didn’t make any of our people look bad at performance time.

But I also recall those times were full of pain and lots of prayers. Something was off but how and why? A little bit (ok a lot a bit) of fear corresponded to this pain and uncertainty. The thing about Louie, he’s predictably unpredictable.

The other part about being here now rather than back in Egypt is just that. We’re here and so is God. He’s not still hanging out in Egypt, laughing at us for moving on. Instead, he’s called us to this place. The Israelites were God’s children wherever they resided, but they were obediently free out of Egypt. I am me 18 months ago at 2:13am just as I am me here. My identity has not changed. And neither has that of my sister. So she has a new roommate (bodymate) and I am a sister by association, but who we are as God’s kids is the same. If anything, we’re better off for the move. We’re better off without garlic and cantaloupe, eating plain bread. We have a story to tell and a life to live right here and now in the midst of whatever comes next. The past only enhances the perspective and makes the now so much clearer.

It’s easy to relive the “glory days” in our heads but the glory comes solely from our interpretations. Why was eating leeks so nice in the days of Pharaoh? Because that was the small bit of joy in a time of pain. Why was talking all night better than going to bed after dinner as can happen now? Because that was a small gift to share with a sister in the midst of unpredictability. But today could be a glory day if I file it away as such. A recent glory day included pizza and a movie and a bit of talking. It’s minor. It’s practically manna. But it’s where I’m at now. And that’s ok. Wailing has it’s place but going back to garlic fish is a life I’m glad to have learned from and moved passed.